letters to the amazing.

Wow, it's been a while. A lot of things have happened, just nothing worth writing about I suppose.

I've been wanting for a long time to write a letter to Switchfoot. I just don't know how. They really have helped me in my life. I can't explain how much they have helped me.

So I wrote out a letter for them, knowing they probably won't ever read it, but it was nice to write just get out there.

Dear Switchfoot,

Over the past 8 months, I have seen more spiritual growth in my life than ever before. The reason I say 8 months is because 8 months ago, I saw you guys and came home a Switchfoot fam. I thought my Switchfoot "high" would be over in 2 weeks. Ah, how silly of me to think that.
After learning so much about you guys, I have learned much about life, myself, and God. I've learned how to love people better, how to understand God more, how to stand up to the giants in both spiritual and physical realms. All of it. Though I give God the ultimate glory, I want to let you know how much you mean to me.
Since becoming a huge fam, I have experienced many amazing things. Things like talking to friends on the boards to actually meeting them and seeing them in person. Then more serious things. I started thinking deeper about life. I never really did before nor did I even think of why. I just knew the rules. But now I think for myself. Instead of taking people's words for it, I go and search things out myself. I like to explore more and more the confines of my broken heart. I've realized just how not-as-fixed-as-I-thought-I-was I really am. I have more passion. I find more beauty. I enjoy God more.
While all this may seem to not really have anything to do with you, it really does. You see, I have seen Christ shine so brightly in you that I can't possibly turn away. I'm mesmerized by the light shining off of you guys. And it makes me want to learn more. I now have a passion for helping people. Because of you guys, I am going on a missions trip to LA next year. I have decided to branch out more in everything that there is. And you guys have greatly influenced that.

A friend told me today that she knew that I was a hardcore Christian and I had God shining through me. She said that I'm "like a Mirror image.... that is if God's reflection was a 16 yr old girl with black hair and glasses". That was literally the first time I cried tears of joy. I was so happy. I have been praying so hard that God would show me that I truly am His, because I find myself so terrible I can hardly believe it. But that just made me sure. I know it did.

I know that you guys have talked about how nothing would make you happier than to have God use you as a tool for His purpose and to further advance His kingdom. Well, I'm living proof that this is true. I used to not care so much because I thought I had it all figured out. Then God used you to prove me wrong.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

God bless every single one of you and your families. I love you all so much.

Sincerely,
Cecelia.



Even that seems extremely hollow. Words cannot express love, life, God, and the amazingness of Jesus Christ the way that we want them to, most of the time. God has struck me hard lately.

I'm excited about going to bed tonight. That's where I sit and talk to God when the world is quiet and dark and I'm alone with my God. I know He already knows what's going on. I just like to talk to Him, you know?

I feel really bad for the atheists that are missing out. My heart goes out to them. If you know an atheist, talk to them. Don't shove, just talk. You can't be the Holy Spirit, but you can live out Christ as He lives in you. Just as North Coast Calvary Chapel puts it: "Living in Christ. Living out Christ".

Merry Christmas, everybody.

ohmygravity!!

click that!
it's awesome!

you've been living life like it's a sequel.

you know, sometimes things just hit you in the face. i'm just sitting here listening to some freakin amazing music and just thinking. sort of. i'm also visiting some old friends facebook's and myspace pages. it's weird the friends you had and the friends you have. there was a time in my life where i thought that those friends, who i have no contact with now, were all that mattered while i'm here and breathing. what they thought of me, what they said about me, etc etc. and i see the person i used to be when i was around them. the person that (most people) ended up hating.

fact is, i'm such a different person now, i'd be shocked if they recognized me. it makes me think of what jon foreman says, how in the 24 hours of the day, we can be 24 different people. it's so true. i can't believe how different i am now compared to what i used to be. it's...amazing. i probably wouldn't be friends with the person i once was. it's prety cool how God can change you. i didn't change on purpose. i just went about living my life. the people i count as my best friends now, half of them i didn't even know a year ago. i think i have one really good friend who has been my really good friend for a while now.

isn't it weird how those things happen? i mean, one moment, one person's view of you matters more than anyone else's and the next day, it's someone else. then there comes the question: who's view of you really matters? for me i can really tell who it is when i'm about to do something and i think "well, what would such-and-such say about this?" that's also how i know if i'm not keeping in focus Who should be my focus. my "idolatry check" so to speak. all too often, i think of other people and what they would say in response to my actions, the people around me, and the things that i like and talk about. it's not God as often as it should be. because it's not God all the time. if i were to think of God every single time but one, it wouldn't be enough. if i were to think of God every time, still wouldn't be enough.

i think that's how people's view of God gets skewed. to steal mark foreman's saying, they're, or rather, we're shrinking God down to something. some people want the God who listens to us cry ourselves to sleep. the God who's always with us and never leaves us in the dark. or the God who you don't want catching you with your hand in the cookie jar. the God who keeps you in line and where you should be. though these are true, God is not just one of these things. He's all of these and much, much, much, much more.

isn't it amazing how huge God is? He's massive! He knows everything, everyone, He knows it all! and yet He's so personal. He made us completely different than anything else in creation. He loves us and not the animals or the angels. we can have an amazing relationship with this massive God. He's not our "friend", He's our "father". someone who wants to love us, cherish us, help us, fix us, teach us, He does it all! and this massive God can fit into my heart. my heart that is broken and has been from the start. my dirty, filthy, worldly, ugly, twisted, destroyed, shrunken heart. He fixed that. but in order for Him to fit, He has to make our hearts bigger.

my heart is competely different than it was 2 years ago, 1 year ago, a few months ago, weeks ago, and yesterday. because God is always changing it. making it better. my heart will never be pure, but it will be fixed. it will be able to function the way it was made to function. it will be able to love. and it only gets better and better. it's amazing what God can do to a person. how they can change. how He can always forgive us, even when i run the opposite way.

i remember a long time ago in my old church something that a visiting pastor said. he compared the Christian walk to the mississippi river. "the river is always headed south. it make go west, it may go east, it even goes north sometimes, but it's destination is always south". just like the Christian walk. i may get sidetracked, i may feel like turning around at times, but as long as God is my tour guide, i will end up in the desired destination.

i suppose that's all i have to say. i just spilled. hope you're having a good day. life is short. live it well.

peace,
cecelia.

this is why switchfoot is amazing.

you will love them by the end of this here.
these are the forewards that the foreman brothers (jon and tim) aka, my personal heroes, wrote for their dad's new book, Wholly Jesus.
they are really, really, really, really amazing.
check this out:

Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal.” Maybe Picasso stole
that concept from T. S. Elliot—or maybe neither of ‘em said it.
Either way my confession is this: I am both a thief and an imitator
of my father.
The best parts of me are simply echoes of my dad. He’s still showing
me patience after all these years—still showing me how to love the
folks that insult me. And so the song remains the same: though I’m a
few inches taller than my dad, he remains a much bigger man than I.
So you see my predicament in writing this forward: I am the shadow
asked to introduce the object who has cast it. I am the cartoon
asked to introduce the real thing. To usher in his words with my own
could be a bit redundant.
So I shall begin by talking about everything that is not written in
this book, the things between the lines, the shadows that only a son
can know. The early morning surf sessions at Pipes. The late morning
philosophy chats at Swami’s. Staring at the stars and talking about
how quickly time passes. He was there even during the broken times
when nothing was right. My dad, to my amazement, has always been
the man who won’t try to fix me, just love me.
I am so proud of him. Stories I hear of my dad remind me of other
heroes of mine. Stories like the time when he gave his minivan to a
band who was broken down on the side of the road; he’d never met
them before but they needed a car. Times when he stood strong and
tall in the face of opposition. There’s a friend of mine who said her
main reason for belief in God was knowing my folks. No joke. I know
what she means though; we see what God is like in the faces of those
around us. And though my dad has his flaws like everyone else, I often
see God though him, through the things he says and does. And now,
through what he has written.
With the word “wholeness” trapped in the ether of the tabloids, it
can be a dangerous thing to write about—particularly risky stuff for a
pastor. Yet it was The Teacher himself who was deeply concerned
about our entire being. He lived and died that the broken would
know wholeness. “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but
whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.” Blessed
are the broken, for they will be made whole.
I have learned so much about this strange, inverse relationship from
my dad. I feel like he embodies it better than anyone I know. In some
ways this book doesn’t do his life justice—it’s like a band’s studio
record that can’t quite capture the live experience. Though these
pages are quite an album in and of themselves, I’ve seen the live show
all my life.
My father’s “music” often came to me in the form of an ongoing
dialogue. A few hours ago, I had a conversation with one of the most
inspiring musicians I’ve ever met. He was telling me about a church
that had kicked him out, an experience that deeply wounded him. I
know what that feels like, to be misunderstood and abused by the
folks who are supposed to be loving you—fighting for you. I’ve had
many great conversations with my dad about this. He says the church
is like your extended family, crazy second uncles and cousins that
might drive you mad. But they are still your family; and they are the
only family you’ll ever get. You have the privilege of loving them.
Yes, the church is beat-up, ugly, and splintered. Even wrong at
times. Tele-evangelists, bigots, hypocrites ... yup. It’s easy to take
shots at the church. So in the age of American individualism and personal
salvation, there is the temptation to disown the whole lot and
reinvent the wheel. “We’ll start fresh!” And yet to think that we’re
going to be the first church that gets it right is ludicrous. We’re never
going to find “Christian wholeness” on our own, not without loving
the folks around us.
Yes, the church is broken. It’s always been broken. We are a body
of misfits, losers, misdirected souls who are desperate for healing. But
let the hospital never abandon the sick patients; let the church never
abandon the broken. The broken are the bride of Christ—the broken
are our family. We, the damaged souls, are the church.
So in this cacophony of brokenness I often look to my dad’s words
to figure out how to heal. How to grow. How to become more
whole. And his words always point me back to The Teacher of wholeness,
the only one who can bring peace. The one who came so that
we could have whole life, abundant life, and I am thirsty for this life
he gives.
In this broken world we face sorrow. We face death and pain. We
face the horrors of our own shattered humanity. But our yearning for
wholeness is beneath it all; we will be satisfied in God alone. In this
longing, I am an immature poet aping God when I try to find wholeness
in and of myself. I must continually be reminded to find peace in
the Father of the heavens alone.
For this, I’ll keep stealing from my dad.

Jon Foreman, frontman for Switchfoot






We are a beautiful letdown,
Painfully uncool,
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures and the fools
Oh what a beautiful let down
Are we salt in the wound
Let us sing one true tune


Words to a song that my brother wrote, a song that we’ve
played hundreds of times, all over the world. And yet,
they still resonate deeply within my soul. What a broken
people we are. Spending most of my formative years growing up in
the laid-back surf culture of north county, San Diego, I am very familiar
with the growing search for a remedy. Answers are seemingly
found within the bulletin boards, flyers, books, and pamphlets in
nearly every storefront shop or cafe. And yet, as the number of remedies
increases, ironically so does the demand. There is obviously a
large disconnect here.
This observation is not limited to my hometown, however. As a
touring musician, I’ve enjoyed the opportunity to travel throughout
the world. I love seeing things from a new vantage point—experiencing
other cultures, food, music, waves and everything else along the
way. In all these travels it becomes clear that while the desire for
wholeness is certainly nothing new, there is a growing global awareness
of our brokenness and a newfound urgency towards restoration.
Of course, if I’m truly seeking evidence of our innate human need for
wholeness, I need look no further than the confines of my own heart.
This is why we sing. Singing allows us safe passage through the
treacherous waters of the soul. Our hopes and fears, our doubts and
our beliefs—these are frightening caves to explore, and even worse to
talk about. But in a song, all matter is fair game. “We are a beautiful
letdown ... the church of the dropouts, the losers, the sinners, the failures
and the fools.” It’s an all-too accurate description of humanity
when we try to fix ourselves. “Oh what a beautiful letdown... Let us
sing one true tune!” For me, the letdown is the painful reality that no matter how hard I try, I am quite unable to fix myself. I am in desperate
need of a savior. But what a beautiful truth. There is such freedom
in our surrender to Wholly Jesus, who’s offer to us is nothing less than
complete wholeness. This is the Beautiful Letdown.
***
When my Dad asked Jon and I to write a response to his book, it
made me smile. I play rock and roll for a living. What could I possibly
say to add to the well-chosen words of my Dad, one of my greatest
heroes. Definitely a tall order. My Dad has, without a doubt,
played a huge role in shaping who I am and the worldview that I
carry. This is the guy who pulled the car over when we heard U2’s
“Still haven’t found what I’m looking for” on the radio for the first
time. This is the Dad who introduced me to the magical worlds of
Tolkien, Lewis, and MacDonald. The guy who pushed me into my
first wave on a surfboard, and the guy who taught me how to play
Zeppelin and the Beatles. But perhaps larger than all of these influences,
I’m thankful that he allowed me the freedom to explore, make
mistakes, dream big dreams, and ask even bigger questions.
No question was ever too big or too small—no dialogue was offlimits.
I knew that my Dad’s God was a big God, one who wasn’t
intimidated by my doubts, my questions, my music or my hairstyle.
None of these were frightening to the God he knew (although I’m
sure some of my hairstyles should have been). But it gets better. Not
only was God Almighty not scared by my music, doubts or questions—
He was interested in them. He actually wanted to hear that
warbly, pre-pubescent imitation of Robert Plant singing Stairway to
Heaven. This is the Jesus I was introduced to as a kid: a Wholly Jesus,
fully integrated with all aspects of life, culture and even the darkest
aspects of my soul.
***
I remember one Sunday message in particular that my Dad taught,
titled, “No Thin Jesus.” The title really sums it up. There is nowhere
I can go that is beyond the reaches of redemption. There is no music
venue, no song, no lyric that is outside the sphere of this Wholly
Jesus. When we started this band called Switchfoot, this is why we saw
no disconnect between playing our songs in a bar or in a church.
These were honest songs about hope, doubt, failure and redemption:
the broken human condition and the universal longing to be whole.
These were songs that needed to be sung in bars, coffee shops, colleges,
churches and everywhere else.
They needed to be sung because Jesus’ invasion of wholeness is passionate
and robust, desiring to integrate all aspects of humanity with
himself. So the question that now remains is this: “Where are you
gonna go? Salvation is here!”


Tim Foreman, bassist for Switchfoot




are there gonna be disagreements between me and these to fellows? heck yeah.
just like there are between every single person who will read this note.
you might not like switchfoot, but this right here is why i do.

-cecelia.

so i arrive at the conclusion..

okay, so basically, if your "received love by others" scale was based on your blogs comments, people hate me. haha.

i've been thinking about a lot of things lately. God has shown me a whole freakin' lot. and i want to get my ideas and thoughts out there. i guess my blog isn't a good place for that.
so, i've decided that i'm gonna talk person-to-person. last week, i got to talk to renee and jamie about God, life, love, hope, redemption, and change face-to-face. and it was great. people get more that way. so, i guess this blog is sort of my journal now. though i think that's kind of what blogs are anyways. maybe i was using it for the wrong reasons...

anyways, i suppose i won't be posting much. every now and then yes.

have a nice day :)

peace.

home is where the heart is.

over the river - jon foreman.

Hush, hush, hush, hush...
I heard a sound come from the ground
All of the trees are a buzz
Talking in tongues, talking with lungs
Talking of freedom

All of the earth is soon to give birth
Look at the mountains alive
Birds and the bees, insects and leaves
All of us longing, longing for home
Home, home is somewhere I've never known

Over the river
Over the river
I've set my hope
Over the river
Over the river
I'll find my hope in You, You

Death, where's your sting?
Your signet ring?
Where is your power?
Why all this war?
Death to the score
Nations are fading

Kingdom of light, setting us right
Finally human
Give me a tongue
It will be done
Inside I'm longing, longing for love
Love, love is something I've never known

---------------------

i love jon foreman. i love the depth he goes to write such profound lyrics. his lyrics speak to me personally, no matter how cheesy that sounds, in so many ways. i love this song and it's message. it's such a message of hope, and at the same time, it's about death. this is a dead and dying world. a fountain with no water that we keep drinking from. the water we get from this world is an illusion and it only dries us out. dries out our hearts, our minds, our souls, our lives. but for the believer, there is no sting. death has no sting upon us. death thinks it wins, but doesn't. how beautiful. something ugly can't affect us if we have Jesus in our lives. if our hope is placed over the river.

that is such a beautiful way to put it, i think. my hope is over the river. at the other end. the place that we don't know, yet we call it home. it's so amazing. my home is somewhere i've never seen, never been, but it's there. "home is where the heart is". that is such a valid statement. if your heart is in things, then it's gonna burn in a lake of fire with those things. but, if your heart is in God, it's going to live forever and forever. it's something that i don't understand and don't have to. all i know is that God is in me and that's really all that matters. i doesn't matter if you are or aren't a calvinist, a baptist, a theologian, whatever. all that matters is that you love God. we should do everything we can to glorify God, and that comes with Him living in us. amazing, isn't it?

i love to, at times, just sit back and look. the world is so confusing to me. i don't understand how it is so ugly and so beautiful. when i'm driving at 5 o'clock with the windows down, not a cloud in the sky, everything is bright and beautiful and i have my music playing, i don't understand how the world is ugly. i guess it's just the people in it. but even then, i see beauty. i see the wrong things in the world and people's actions, and that's ugly. but the creation is beautiful. it was effected by the fall, yes. but God didn't let all of His creation go to sin and darkness. it's so beautiful right now with the fall colors, the leaves coming off the trees, and the sun reflecting off of everything outside. it's gorgeous and sometimes makes me want to shout. it's things like that that make me want to move. no, not break out my killer dance skills, but do something. further advance the Kingdom. tell people, "if you think this is gorgeous, you should see this".

well, i guess that's it for now. life is short, live it well.
peace.

"I'm sick to my stomach. Let us never be comfortable with these types of facts. Let us be frustrated, angry, disturbed."

that right there is a jono quote.
and i totally agree with it concerning the topic he's talking about.

human trafficking is something that has recently hit really near and dear to my heart. it's just so wrong it kills me. how the heck can people do this sort of this? why? buying, selling, and trading young girls for sexual abuse? what on earth?!

okay, there's a little rant. hah. now here's some facts that i hope would wake some people up:

Supply and Demand
The "demand" of the multi-billion dollar global sex industry puts children throughout the world at-risk of becoming the “supply.” Criminal gangs, pimps and pornographers seek to profit from this demand by enslaving and abusing children, preying on those made most vulnerable by poverty, lack of education, minority status, gender bias and homelessness.

Often, captors will threaten, beat and starve new recruits to condition them for the fate that awaits: sex with multiple customers every day. Eventually this abuse “breaks” the children. They learn to force a smile for the pedophiles, sex tourists and others that frequent their establishments.

The Effects
Sexual exploitation and abuse have grave consequences on any person’s well being, especially a child’s. Unprotected sex, gang rapes, forced abortions and manipulation can cause severe psychological and physical damage, including HIV/AIDS and other infectious diseases or conditions.

What is Child Trafficking?
According to the UN ODCCP Protocol to Prevent, Suppress, and Punish Trafficking in Persons, child trafficking is: the recruitment, transportation, transfer, harboring or receipt of persons, by means of threat or use of force or other forms of coercion, of abduction, of deception, of the abuse of power or of position of vulnerability or of the giving or receiving of payments or benefits to achieve the consent of a person having control over another person, for the purpose of exploitation.

Most countries in the world are involved – they may be a source of vulnerable children, a place they pass through, or a destination for trafficked children. Unfortunately, even the United States plays it’s part when U.S. “sex tourists” visit countries like Thailand or Cambodia and have sex with children, including those trafficked into the sex industry.

Children who are desperately poor are especially at risk of being trafficked. Trafficked children may be exploited by being used in prostitution or pornography, and labor in domestic, factory or agricultural work. In some countries, they are forced to risk their lives as soldiers. Some action is being taken to directly address trafficking by governments and non-profit organizations, but much more needs to be done.

Where is the problem?
Every year at least 1.2 million children are estimated to be trafficked around the world and that number is growing. Child trafficking is not limited to developing countries; the U.S. and Europe deal with domestic trafficking issues and also serve as destinations for trafficked children from abroad. Latin America, the Caribbean and Africa are also becoming hot spots for child trafficking. Today, the situation is dire in the Asian region, in countries such as: Cambodia, Thailand, Laos, Myanmar, the Philippines, India, Nepal, and Bangladesh.

Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children (CSEC)
ECPAT defines CSEC as the following: A Fundamental violation of children’s rights. It comprises sexual abuse by the adult and remuneration in cash or kind to the child or a third person or persons. The child is treated as a sexual object and as a commercial object. The commercial sexual exploitation of children constitutes a form of coercion and violence against children, and amounts to forced labor and a contemporary form of slavery. (ECPAT, Questions and Answers about CSEC) The primary factors of CSEC are prostitution, pornography, trafficking and sex tourism of persons under the age of 18. Under the age of 18 is an internationally recognized definition of child in numerous international treaties and conventions.

minors. young children are being beaten and sexually abused really for no reason.

here are some statistics:

Trafficking in persons is modern-day slavery, involving victims who are forced, defrauded or coerced into labor or sexual exploitation.

United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) now believes that the number of children trafficked annually is around 1.2 million. (2006)

It is estimated that two children per minute are trafficked for sexual exploitation.

Annually, according to U.S. Government-sponsored research completed in 2006, approximately 800,000 people are trafficked across national borders, which does not include millions trafficked within their own countries. Approximately 80 percent of transnational victims are women and girls and up to 50 percent are minors. The majority of transnational victims are females trafficked into commercial sexual exploitation. (2007 Trafficking in Persons Report, U.S. State Department)

It is estimated that at least 27 million people are currently enslaved around the world, many who have been enslaved through being trafficked. This is more than double the number of Africans enslaved during the Trans-Atlantic slave trade.

The U.N. and other experts estimate the total market value of illicit human trafficking at $32 billion - about $10 billion is derived from the initial "sale" of individuals, with the remainder representing the estimated profits from the activities or goods produced by the victims of this barbaric crime. (UNODC)

These numbers make trafficking in persons the second most lucrative crime in the world. The first is drug trafficking. (Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development, 2006).

About $28 billion of this is generated from commercial sexual exploitation. (International Labor Organization)

The organization to End Child Prostitution, Child Pornography and Trafficking in Children for Sexual Purposes believe that 45,000-50,000 persons are trafficked into the U.S. each year, 15,000 of them are children. (ECPAT-USA)

Common methods of trafficking:
- physical force
- coercion (debt relief for family, job, marriage, etc.)
- physical and emotional abuse
- threats against

this whole thing kills me. and something else i don't get is this:

no one seems to care.

tons of people that i've talked to about this really seemed very apathetic. or just "oh that's sad" or "oh that's terrible" and leaving it at that. come on, ya'll! we need to do something about this! we can, really and truly! you don't have to have money or tons of time or ways to get places. you can help anywhere! you know, james 1:27 says this:

27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

look after the orphans and widows. i love that verse. there is a sense of beauty about it that i just love and adore.

there is always something to do. some way to help. it kills me that people don't know about the needs of the world. it kills me more that people know the needs and do nothing about it. you don't have to go on a missions trip to another country. there are things you can do in your community. heck, even in just your church. just find something that you are passionate about and act on it! like jan in the office said "there's always a million reasons not to do something". decide what's more important. your silly little needs or dying children. for a while i cared about it, but never really acted. thank God for sending me to Cornerstone. i saw a ton of people working for the glory of God there and how they did amazing things and i want to be a part of it. i feel a strong calling, i suppose. now i know that i can't make someone feel a "calling" from God that i do, but you should, as a bible-believing christian feel the need to do something.

so go change your world! you really can!

it's bigger than cold religion. it's bigger than life. love is the movement. love is the revolution.

peace,

cecelia.