Fear is a lonely man.

So, I figured that since I haven't posted in a while that maybe I should. Writing helps to explore the depths of the heart, mind, and soul. So I am writing :)

Anyways, I'm going to still say that 2009 has been extremely bipolar. Without going into any details, I was somewhat miserable last week. Actually, I thought I was on the verge of just nothingness. I was so distraught that I could barely function. Couldn't eat, sleep, or even focus on anything. By the end of the week, I had a massive headache from the crying and the screaming voices in my head. I was very upset with myself. I wasn't mad at God or anybody, just myself. You know when that happens? You do, or are doing, something wrong and you don't know how to get out of it so you just live incredibly miserable and not knowing what to do? Well, it stinks. Like a rotten tomato to the face. Wearing gym shoes.

However, it's amazing how you get over these things. You see, all last year, I was a pretty lonely person. In a really bad way, too. I had friends basically all on the internet and hardly anyone in real life. It wasn't until I finally did something just a week and a half ago did I figure this out. You see, God made men to live in a community. To be with each other. When you go on your own for a while and not see people, it makes you go insane. Trust me, I know. When I was thinking about this, it made me just sink to the bottom of myself. Then I didn't know how to get out. I decided that music would help some so I turned it up loud and put on a playlist. Songs were playing that I'd heard a million times before, so I wasn't paying much attention, but I did calm down. I was talking with God and asking for help. He can respond fast.

Innocence Again by Switchfoot started playing. I'd liked this song a lot before and it was one of my favorites, but there was something different that stuck out at me. I wasn't listening until he said "fear is a lonely man".

"Aha!!" I thought. "That's what it is! That's why I'm so miserable! That's been my problem for the whole time! Why didn't I realize this earlier?!"

Since then, I have felt a load better. I don't think about the saddest or the worst things possible. I look on the bright side. I've made some money this week for the trip in LA, I've been working responsibly at home, and most important, to me, I've made friends. And awesome ones, mind you. It's helped a load.

So, if you're struggling with something. Anything at all. Whether it be girl/boy problems, spiritual problems, mental, physical, etc etc, hang out with some people. Make a few new friends. Look for a new social outlet. It helps a lot. And it further shows how we were made in the image of God. We aren't like this by way of accident ;)

Peace.